Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
