Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
