This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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