eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
