First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
