He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
