I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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