Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
