I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
