I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
