I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
