just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
