i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
