I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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