He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
