Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
