Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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