and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
