I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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