Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My vagina is officially offended.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
