it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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