Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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