he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
