as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
