Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
