when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
