Just cropdusted the office
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
