worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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