Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
