haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
