dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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