how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
