Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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