You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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