Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i came on her dog
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
