Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
