break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
