I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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