he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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