Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
