if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
