u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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