There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
