My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
