I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
