my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
