i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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