What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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