Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Welp...herpes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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