It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
