We won't sleep together?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
