here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
