I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
