I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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