in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
