thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ladies don't puke and tell
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
