I got chris browned last night
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
