You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
