it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
