Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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