You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm at about main and main street
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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