i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
