I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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