just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
