wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
