I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
