respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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