I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
