I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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