guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
