im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
