It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
