Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
