He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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