Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
