The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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