That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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