I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
