turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need to calm my uterus...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
