that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
